The Fireball Gazette

An Unscheduled Return for the Golem
Sent into the mines as somewhat expendable assets by island scientists, our adventuring party defied expectations by not only surviving their encounter with the Flux golem – but leading it straight back to the laboratory complex without so much as a polite apology. Merlin, rather abruptly, pushed a minecart containing allies Selah and Tiyaries toward a quartet of unsuspecting Nalua guards who were, quite frankly, just trying to maintain an orderly queue. With no buffer at the end of the tracks, the minecart collided with the soldiers in a most ungentlemanly fashion. What followed was a blur of rather loud violence: Merlin used the cart’s momentum to hurl himself over it, headbutting a Nalua into the abyss - a move that was a bit much, even for us. Another was dispatched by a combination of impalement and a somewhat excessive water blast from Merlin’s magical trident. As the golem entered the fray, time itself began to unravel, which is quite as confusing as a sudden fog in the morning. One Nalua's body visibly aged and rejuvenated as he attempted to strike the crystalline construct, only to be horrifically crushed, then struck a second time by what witnesses describe as a “temporal echo.” Meanwhile, Selah took to the shadows in the cracked stone floor, preparing for some rather sneaky sabotage, while Tally hovered overhead under the effects of a Fly spell, surveying the carnage with a look of mild disapproval.

Mayhem in the Shipyard
In a nearby shipyard, things were not much more composed. Ainz and Mad Matt, still shackled alongside terrified rowing interns who were essentially waiting for their shifts to begin, broke free amidst the chaos. Matt rushed to reclaim his weapons and stormed after the guards entering the cave, overtaking several in the process. Heinz, one of the Nalua, gave chase – while Ainz ordered the interns to either hold their position or seize the ship if the opportunity arose, provided they didn't disrupt the order of things too much. Matt unleashed inky duplicates of himself to block pursuit. One guard managed to breach the illusory wall, Ainz hot on his heels. The soldier, aiming for Merlin, fired a sleep dart – and hit his own ally, a bit of a blunder if ever there was one, giving Ainz the chance to act. Though unable to push his foe into the abyss, Ainz blinded him with poison. Unfortunately, the poison also burned Ainz’s own hands, preventing a killing blow – until Merlin’s trident came flying across the cavern, ending the skirmish in one swift, if somewhat dramatic, strike.

Tapu’o’s Last Stand
As battle raged, Tapu’o – the lead scientist – lost his rather composed exterior and panicked at the advancing golem, attempting to siphon more raw Flux from the giant vitted of pink liquid. A desperate firebomb injured the golem but made him a target, which was all quite unnecessary. Merlin began hurling his trident at the scientist, striking him twice before Tapu’o tumbled off a bridge to the cavern floor. Selah, seeing an opportunity, crept through cracks in the floor, positioning herself beneath another giant flask of Flux. With brute effort and efficiency worthy of the saboteur’s union, she destabilised its pedestal and toppled the entire vat - making a dreadful mess of the place. As Tapu’o rose to hurl another explosive beaker, it hit the golem and sent Merlin flying in flames across the battlefield. Still smouldering, Merlin reportedly quipped that Tapu’o could “have the golem,” before sprinting up the cave wall to safety, likely in search of a nice cup of tea. The golem approached Tapu’o, and in a cruel twist of irony, crushed the man who sought to liquify it. Seconds later, the toppling Flux flask shattered and spilled its volatile contents. Tiyana ignited the chemical slick. The resulting explosion engulfed the entire laboratory in an ear-splitting, pink-hued inferno, which was, quite frankly, far too much noise for one afternoon.

Shells, Fireballs, and the Wrath of Nalzagoth
Back in the tunnel, Mad Matt found himself surrounded by six Nalua soldiers after his clones were destroyed. Dropping to his knees, he prayed to his eldritch patron Nalzagoth the Star Devourer. In answer, a hardened crab shell enveloped his body, acting much like a reliable raincoat during a downpour, shielding him from their blades. Ainz, seizing the opportunity, fired a fireball directly onto the shell. The impact incinerated four Nalua outright. Matt, rising from the flames like a seafood-scented phoenix (a bit dramatic, one admits), dispatched two barely breathing survivors with tentacles bursting from the ground.

A King is Named, and a Survivor Silenced
As the dust settled, the adventurers returned to the shipyard. There, only Schreinz remained, still holding the interns hostage in a most unseemly manner. He collapsed in horror upon seeing the group, realising that his entire tribe must have been killed. Asked to identify their ruler, Schreinz declared, “The King of the North bows to no humans”, signalling he would rather die than betray his king - a very stubborn stance, if you ask me. Before a longer, more polite interrogation could take place, Mad Matt complied and casually ended his life with a blast, leaving even his allies and the interns quite stunned by such a lack of etiquette. The party scavenged the ruins for supplies, including barrels of raw Flux, ancient documents in Deep Speech, and a taxidermy swordfish that Matt reportedly insists will be mounted above the piano.

Setting Sail Toward Destiny
With the underground laboratory reduced to rubble, the scientists dead, and the Flux golem shattered into a million pieces (a complete disaster), the party now turns their attention northward – toward the mysterious and presumably formidable King of the North, despite the likelihood of much more unpleasant weather ahead.