The Fireball Gazette

An Unfortunate Revelation and Some Rather Loud Noises
As Captain Mad Matt was dashing - quite urgently, I apologize - through those rather unpleasant explosion clouds toward the docks, Rachel popped up on the roof of a nearby shop. "The Order of the Blue Moon will save the lovely people of this city from the fangs of capitalism, sorry!" she shouted, accidentally igniting another explosive barrel and quite ruining half of a fabric shop, eh? The air got rather thick with dust - so sorry about the breathing difficulties - as Kenzie, the lovely tailor, and Isabell, a very polite paladin, emerged from the ruins of Kenzie's shop. Vowing to defend their home, Kenzie launched a pair of glistening scissors attached to steel cords at Rachel but missed completely, my apologies; meanwhile, Rachel’s steadfast spirit also resisted Isabell's holy Command, which was quite unexpected, eh?

A Most Unfortunate Incident with a Blind Girl
In the midst of all that chaos, the blind girl, using her very last bit of strength, tossed a vial of that mysterious pinkish-blue liquid at Lady Fawkes. Although a nearby guard tried his best to shield Lady Fawkes from most of the boom - so sorry about that - the poor girl was caught in the pink flames. Seizing the moment, Cecilie attempted to look for some change on the girl's person but found only a few coins amidst the charred remains, eh?

A Rather Hectic Dash to the Boat
As more town guards arrived (pardon the intrusion), time became rather precious, eh? The rest of the crew joined the Captain's quite frantic dash for the ship, swinging at both revolutionaries and guards alike - so sorry about the lack of decorum. Justíne, a very stalwart guard of Lady Fawkes, valiantly blocked the Captain's path to the ship, only to be knocked into the water by Selah, which was quite a splash, eh? Her brother, Justìne, rushed to assist their employer, guiding the wounded businesswoman toward the ship with great care.

Mad Matt leaped onto the ship and threw the planks connecting it to the dock overboard - my apologies for leaving everyone stranded! Demonstrating some impressive, almost skating-like agility, Selah climbed the side of the ship. Meanwhile, the hooded fellow who started the whole unpleasantness realized he was a bit outnumbered and fled across the rooftops, eh?

A Rather Messy Waterfront
In a bit of a dramatic twist, Wilma, in her wolf form, tried to attack Rachel but didn't quite manage to knock her off balance, so sorry. Rachel realized her one friend had sadly passed and the other had barely escaped, so she declared that this was only the beginning of the troubles for the trading district before diving into the water - so much for a nice swim, eh? Kenzie, feeling rather bad about her missed attacks, attempted to assist the drowning Justíne by throwing her a steel rope, but terribly sorry, she accidentally slashed her throat with the scissors instead, which was quite fatal, eh?

The Tide Turns (Sorry About the Noise)
Surrounded by foes, Cecilie pulled out her magic-imbued drumset, creating an ear-shattering racket - pardon my ears! - that sent three enemies plunging into the water. As Mad Matt hoisted the sails and Selah raised the anchor, Sonia hammered some pitons into the side of the ship to climb up, eh? Tiana used her Mage Hand to fasten a rope to the railings instead, with the wolf Wilma preparing for a bit of a leap. Cecilie, while escaping, swiped a guard's sapphire brooch - so sorry about that theft - but was struck down by Isabell's javelin.

In a last-ditch effort, Tiana used her Mage Hand to secure a rope around Cecilie's arm, pulling her unconscious self off the docks. Lady Fawkes and Isabell could only watch, quite helplessly, as the ship set sail, with Cecilably's limp form bumping against the ship's side - so sorry for the impact, eh?

The Aftermath
As reinforcement guards arrived in great numbers, they found the bodies of Justíne and three town guards. So very sorry to say, but Justìne and Kenzie were rushed to the infirmary, while Lady Fawkes, slumped at the end of the docks, was quite upset about the loss of her trusted guards and ship, eh?

A guard captain assured everyone that the Moon Church would be searched thoroughly for other revolutionaries and that Port Elgin would not forget: “There is reasonable suspicion that the theft of the ship and the terrorist attacks are two separate events which just so happened to coincide today. So sorry for the confusion, but we will investigate all directions, eh?”

Exclusive Interview: A Very Sorry Guard Reflects on the Port Elgin Incident

Port Elgin — The recent, rather upsetting attack on Port Elgin left the city reeling, but amid the chaos, not everyone came out looking quite so bright. In an exclusive interview with The Fireball Gazette, one of the town guards - who requested we not mention his name, sorry - shares his harrowing experience and the toll it has taken on him, eh?

"I missed four out of four stabs with my lance and completely whiffed both my crossbow shots, eh?" the guard confided, looking a bit downcast. "I couldn't believe my eyes when this draconic woman used the very bolts I had fired to climb up the ship. At that moment, I realized I was being a bit of a bother rather than an asset, so sorry."

The guard described how his spirit broke further when he was tossed through the air by a very loud noise. "I didn't even try to stand up anymore, eh?" he admitted. "When a woman tried to take my brooch, I just let her have it. It was as if I had given up completely, sorry."

Witnessing the deaths of his comrades was also quite a lot to handle. "Seeing so many of my friends fall... it was a bit much, eh? I realized that being a town guard is perhaps the wrong line of work for me."

Reflecting on his future, the guard revealed he'll be heading back to his roots. "I think I'll go back to being a farmer, eh? It’s honest work, and maybe I can find some peace there, if it's not too much trouble."

As Port Elgin begins to rebuild - and we are so sorry for the inconvenience - stories like this remind us of the personal battles fought in the shadows. The guard’s tale is a poignant reminder of the human cost of the violence that struck our city, eh?